Good news for all the super hero fans! Still worrying you can’t find your unique “spider” or that “stars and stripe” uniform? No need to bother, here, we present you 5 little tips, and teach you how to be a super hero.

By: Yolanda Liu 110111112 Class 1

I bet you have all watched some super hero movies, and felt the adrenalin pumping so badly that all you want to do is to go outside find yourself a spider or sneak into some secret research centre and get some X-rays. Then chill out, found that it is quite impossible. Don’t worry, now, 5 “useful” little tips will tell you, how being a super hero is that easy.

First, super-power, the most important aspect of being a super hero. They have super power to save people from danger, so, without that opportunity to be bitten by a mutant spider, what can you do? Well, it could be very easy. Go to a hospital and get yourself a doctor friend, beg him to take you to the pharmacy store and wander around, pretend you don’t care and pick up some drug with complicated instructions that you can’t understand a single word, watch how your friend respond, nervous? Great! Drink it with no hesitation! Can you feel the pain? That the feeling of super power. Still can’t spin? Don’t worry, you will discover your power at some point as you probably don’t know what it is yet.

Secondly, name and uniform. Oh, that’s the hard part, just take your time and find your name, as for a uniform, online shopping? Come on! You are a super hero, not some creepy transvestite! It’s a way you can show off without using your super power! The key is special. Remember the “stars and stripes” uniform that Captain American wore? So shiny, even at night, still no enemy can find him, which is the power of uniform. So, the one and only uniform for you, I’m thinking, DIY, secret and special, what do you think?

Third, use your instinct and smell the crime. Here comes your stage, where there is a crime, there is a super hero. Listening to police broadcasts is good, but that’s illegal, in order to be safer, what about being a policeman yourself? Always be the first one know of a crime, isn’t that great? Or, much easier, what about hiring a criminal yourself? When you want an opportunity to show off in front of the public, make a call, and there is your crime! Little tip, don’t hurt anyone.

Fourth, get rid of your family. Oh, I almost can hear you screaming, “WHAT THE HELL?” I totally understand, your only doing this because you are still normal person, when you become a super hero, you will find being lonely is god damn good! You are the only one who holds the power. And your family? They are still normal people, will be your burden. They want you to go picnic with them, spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with them, how could you waste your time on such meaningless activities? The world is waiting for you to save it!

Number five, I am running out of tips, sorry, because you see… Being a super hero is such a meaningless and low-probability thing. I am not saying that super hero shouldn’t exist, they should, but only in comics and movies, they entertain us and complement our boring normal life, sometimes being a symbol that shows us a certain positive spirit, that’s all. You can still be a super hero without that “awesome” name and ridiculous uniform, join the police or become a doctor, they are the real hero in real world.

Feeling all right? Don’t worry, forget all those ridiculous tips and buy yourself some comic books, or, just go to the cinema, “The amazing spider-man 2” is on, I’m sure you will love it!